should i believe wat is said?

this blog was actually set up for my kids, my lifeline at the moment - the reason why i do the things i most single-handedly don't believe in doing...

i hate teaching, but i love teaching... so i guess, i hate being a teacher, but i love teaching my kids. believe it or not, i love them. as much as i hate them, i love them, as much as they hate me, i know they need me. and i want them to need me... why? they give me more heartache than i care to imagine, they make me want to give up, and yet i don't. is this hope? is this love? is this... crap? i think so. but i'm still wanting this crap...

there are so many things happening in one's life at a single moment... believe it or not, even as an adult, as someone who's supposed to guide others, there are many aspects in my life i'm not handling too well. But, given a chance to live it all over, i would do it exactly the same... y? i donno... faith? maybe... fate? maybe... life? definitely.

so many people say so many things to me, but do i listen? should i? are they worth listening to? are they jugding me for wat is best for me, or wat is best for them? how do they know wat's best for me when they haven't lived my life?

as such, the values that i'm trying to instill in my kids - are they values for me or for them? how do i judge wat's good for them? am i instilling wat i'm instilling thru discipline because i believe in those values, or because it's my job? do i even believe in my job? am i being a hypocrite like what i despise in others?

somehow, i believe that society is making me be a hypocrite, and in order to survive, i am being one. there are so many things i don't believe in, but i need to do. as much as i hate it, the more hypocritical i am, the more i'm seen as someone with potential... the potential to deceive? sheesh... such is life? maybe i shd just end it all...

how?